The Day I Understood "Mommy Wars"

About six months ago, I read an article on "Mom Wars" (you know, Working Mom vs. Stay Home Mom battles). At the time I didn't really give the concept much thought. I was staying home with Addie full time, loving every minute of it, and quite frankly at the time I could have cared less if other moms were working or staying home. Those who commented on the article felt much more strongly than I did and everyone was clearly on one side of the battle ground. Moms were arguing, cursing and ripping each other apart for working or staying home. They were truly fighting to prove that they were a good mom, regardless of which side they were on. I remember thinking how ridiculous it was and that I couldn't believe anyone would feel the need to be so verbal and upset about someone else's choice to work or stay home. Why would they need to prove anything to each other? I didn't get it because at the time, I was staying home and I had not yet ever been criticized for it. Sure I had people ask me "What do you do all day?!" but that didn't offend me. For the most part, when I told someone I was staying home with my daughter, they are gracious about it and would often say "Oh, I wish I could have done the same". I have always, and still do, feel very proud about staying home for two years. It took more sacrifice than most people will ever understand but it was worth every second. I loved staying home, I truly did. However, I was also able to see a great benefit for my families financial security when a wonderful job, with amazing hours and a manageable work load, all but fell into my lap. If you follow the blog, you know I took the job, Addie started school three days a week and it's been a beautiful transition for us all.

But back to my point. Fast forward to just a few weeks ago, with me now working part time, when I finally got it. I finally understood the whole "Mommy Wars" debate and why it brings such passion into the hearts of moms. While aimlessly searching a variety of social media outlets (productive, I know) I came across a post in which a mom wrote something along the lines of "I could NEVER, EVER send my kids to preschool OR even regular school when they are older because I just LOVE my BABIES TOO MUCH!!" It was followed by about twenty comments with fellow moms who also just "love their babies too much" to ever work or send their babies to school, ever. One stated how she couldn't understand how any mom would ever even let anyone watch her baby for a night and that her and her husband won't even go on dates because they LOVE their baby! There were a few ugly jabs at those who work mixed in with the comments but portrayed as "I couldn't imagine how bad I would feel if I worked" comments. Reading the comments really got me fired up. It was if they were saying they loved their babies more than "normal" and the vibe was, any mom who works or sends her kids to school, or I guess even goes on a date with her husband, just doesn't love their babies as much as they do! 

It shouldn't have bothered me. It was a post from people I really don't even know but for some reason it really struck me. I started a steady stream of thoughts all of which weren't very positive. "How could anyone doubt my love for Addison because I began working again?!" "There isn't a mother on Earth who loves their baby more than I love mine!!" My thoughts went on and on and I got angry the more I thought about it. My feelings and thoughts weren't very nice and I am not proud of that. Mind you, this post was not in any way directed at me and yet I felt personally affected and offended by it. How could a post that was not meant for me cause me to feel such emotion? Well, simply because I was now a part time working mom. I was on the other side of the argument and I now felt those defensive feelings because I felt my choices as a mother were being questioned, even though really no one was questioning me personally. It was a terrible feeling when it hit me. The realization that there will be people who judge my choice to work and who will look down on me as a mother because I am no longer at home full time. Will they think I am working because I am selfish? Will they think I don't love my daughter as much? It was a yucky feeling that stuck around for a few days, and something that affected me enough to garner a post from me today. 

However, I had to shake it. After all, I had never before felt the need to judge another moms choices on working or staying home, schooling or homeschooling, etc. and I decided I wasn't going to start now. Even though the realization of this "war" was now real for me, I couldn't let feelings of anger consume me because ultimately I know the choices I have made have been the best for my family. What works for another family is their choice and truly not mine to worry about (of course if there is abuse or neglect that's another story...). I know the time I stayed home full time benefited my daughter immensely and I also know that now that I am bringing in a bit of income that is also benefiting my daughter's future. My parenting choices are just that... mine (and my husbands of course). Vaccination wars, breast vs bottle, co-sleeping vs crib, working vs. staying home..There are so many mommy battles out there! In some ways it's like high school all over again. Except this time with strollers. I know where I stand on these issues but that doesn't mean I think other moms are bad moms if they feel differently. I have mommy friends parenting in all kinds of ways and they are all amazing moms in their own right.

I could now go on for days about my feelings on the topic of working vs. staying home. I am on both sides and I see both perspectives. I could also go on for days about all the amazing things I taught my daughter while home every day with her. I could then go on about the amazing new things she has learned since entering her  school. But really what would be the point? If someone is going to judge they will do so no matter what. Sharing about the beautiful sides of both choices will never interest someone who is dead set in only seeing one perspective. 

Mommy wars certainly aren't anything new and they are not something that will be ending any time soon I suppose. The only hope I have is that most of us women can realize how silly it is to judge each other so harshly. We should try to understand each other's choices before we decide to judge them. Just because someone else parents differently doesn't always make them wrong. They just make different choices that they feel are best for their family. And really, we all make different choices on a daily basis don't we? 

Us women should try to stop looking at this as an "us vs. them" debate. We are all mother's after all.  And us mothers are a unique group of some pretty fierce women. We know what it's like to give birth, or go through a long adoption process, we know what it feels like to have our hearts walking outside of our chests because our hearts are now within our children. We think about our little ones a million times a day and before we think of ourselves. Ask any mother what the word sacrifice means and I am sure she can give you a list a mile long and she wouldn't change it for anything. We love our children deeply and without question. We are all mothers and that in itself is a special kind of sisterhood. If we could stop for a second and realize that we can support each other through our unique journeys in this wild ride called parenthood, I think it would make us even better moms, working or not.

All My Best,

Steph

Thinking Warm Thoughts

I often begin my posts by saying "I can't believe how long it's been since my last post.." and well this one is no different. It's amazing that I am able to keep notes, thoughts and inspiration so easily in journals and notepads all throughout my home ( I never leave my house without my calendar/notebook) but I find it difficult to keep up with my online journal. I truly am just an old fashion girl. Or not with the times I guess. Hello, still buying actual CD's and books over here! 

Anyway, I digress. Life in the Baker household has been busy as of late. April is our special month over here with my husband's birthday, our wedding anniversary (we also became "official" during our dating life in April too), and Addison's birthday. Addison had a bumble bee themed birthday that fit so perfectly into the beauty of the month. April one of those happy months filled with candles, cake and lots of love that flies by in the blink of an eye for me. The weather is usually bright, flowers bloom and for me it's a month to celebrate the events in my life that mean more to me than anything. We laughed, we loved, we celebrated and we have moved smoothly into May and summer is now quickly appearing on the horizon. 

I am looking to the summer with showers to celebrate friends, new babies being born to many of my sweet friends, little trips, celebrations and just enjoying the changing of another season. As the seasons change it always feels like a chance for renewal to me. Every season and time of year brings something new and special of it's own and I am looking forward to sunny days and bright thoughts in these warm summer months.

All My Best,

Steph

Big Changes In Baker Land

To say life has been moving a little fast lately would be a huge understatement! Between the medical appointments that filled my time last month (Final conclusion being Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia...in a nutshell my heart beats faster than normal, I am avoiding medications and going a natural route to keep my rates down which included no caffeine, lowered sugars and increased salt..) Once all that slowed down, I started thinking that maybe I would like to dip my toe into the teaching world again with some tutoring. Addison is turning two next month (cannot even believe it!) and I thought maybe I could find some odd tutoring jobs and put her in a 2 day a week preschool program in the mornings. Well, the world had other plans because an opportunity practically fell into my lap that I just couldn't refuse.

While searching around for tutoring in the area, I stumbled upon a private school and recognized the name of the director as the aunt of a friend of mine. I emailed her inquiring about tutoring and she told me to come in discuss opportunities. Turns out the HS English Teacher at her school had just left as she had a baby. She needed to fill that spot immediately and my email had come at the perfect time! Timing is everything, isn't it?

The school is unique, as the high school students do their course work via an online program and the teachers facilitate the lessons and help them to understand the assignments and the coursework. Classes are small and students receive a lot of help and attention with their assignments. It's totally different from what I am used to from my traditional classroom experience. The days aren't structured the same, the lessons are not handled the same (as in I am not making or grading them..the online teacher does that), and the hours aren't the same either. In the high school, the students essentially make their own schedule each day to focus on their learning needs at the time. It's a BIG change from my previous classrooms but I really, really think I am going to love it. The school has a different vibe..more relaxed, more student centered and students are allowed to work in a way that fits their needs. The concept of it, really excites me and I am looking forward to teaching in a new way. I have done the structured days and for some kids that makes being in a classroom very difficult. This school offers a different approach and as an educator I really love that it puts student needs first! Long story short, I interviewed on Tuesday, went in on Wednesday to learn more/train and accepted the job Friday! My schedule honestly gives me the BEST of both worlds...I will be working 3 days a week 8am-2pm and the other two days (and the weekends!) I will be home with Addison still!

This all happened FAST..like within seven days fast! And honestly, I have cried more this week than I have in years. It was a huge decision for me to decide to place Addison in preschool three full days. I really had to soul search, think, research, crunch numbers, look at preschools, etc. Tyler and I discussed it all at length and I have to say: I am so blessed to have a husband who has never asked me to go back to work and told me this was my choice and he supported me either way. However, together we came to the decision that Addison was ready to have a little social time (baby girl loves making friends/learning!) and my pay would be a wonderful "extra" to help our household and make the home buying process we are anxious to start easier/quicker. Things happened in such a way that it almost felt like I just needed to trust in this new adventure and take a leap of faith. So, I am. I start this week. Addison will be spending the first few days of me working with my grandmother to ease the transition and then she will start preschool the week after that. I think she is going to love her class. In fact, we stayed in her class for over 30 minutes as I interviewed (interrogated is probably more the word...) the teacher and when it was time to leave Addison cried because she wanted to stay and play with her "fewends". That helped give me the feeling that it was the right school and it came highly recommended to us, which was another plus. We went to a lot of preschools, I called even more of them, and this was the only one that upon leaving I didn't have a near breakdown. Always a plus, right? (Preschool post on deck!) Addison will be in school from 8-2:15, three days, but her school naps from 12:30-2pm. So in a way, it's only like she will be in school 8-12:30 learning/playing, then when she wakes up from nap mommy will be there! This was another plus with the school because it helps make her day and my day fit perfectly together.

It's a ton of big changes coming but I am hopeful that these new adventures will be good for all of us. I have been beyond blessed to spend just about two full years at home every day with my baby. I have watched every single milestone thus far: first smile, word, step, clap, you name it.. I was here for it and documenting it. I realize that is a luxury that many mommies do not get and I am grateful I had those every day experiences and one day when baby #2 graces us , in a few years god willing, I hope to do the same thing all over again. I have never taken staying home for granted and I still don't.  I am not ready just yet to give it up completely and that is why I am only working three days a week for now. Motherhood is my number one "job" and it will forever be this way (as Addie sits on my lap as I finish this post) but I am also a teacher, it is a part of me too, and being able to embrace that is also a blessing. I worked very hard in college to get my teaching degree and I think Addison will grow to see me in two lights: mommy and teacher. I hope more than anything that both of them make her proud. 

Motherhood is full of so many hard choices and this for me was one of them. I am still enjoying success with my Stella & Dot business and now with this new teaching job I think it's safe to say I am officially a part time working momma! I am nervous, excited, and hopeful as I start my new job and we all adjust to the changes this brings to our daily life but I am really feel this will be positive thing for our little family. Plus, with my social butterfly daughter, I think in no time she will be telling me endless stories about her friends in school and her teacher. I am also excited to see her learn new things in a different way. I have done my best to teach her these past years but I also know I cannot teach her everything. She will learn to be a part of a little community and that I can't teach on my own. I am excited to see how we both grow as a result of this new change! However, keep me in your thoughts next week when she officially starts preschool because I guarantee I will sob like a baby when I leave her for the first time..that is something no amount of positive energy or thoughts will change, that's just being a mom and loving my girl with every inch of my being. Motherhood is truly the biggest love there is.

All My Best,

Steph

Finding The Joy

This year when I sat down to think of my personal goals/resolutions I really only had one: to find the joy in every day tasks, such as cooking. I have never been one to enjoy cooking. Now baking, that I enjoy. I think it's because I don't bake often and when I do it's for someone special or a special occasion. I plan for it, take great care with it and I love the idea of the person being excited about and savoring the sweet treat I have labored over. The only cooking experience I thoroughly enjoyed was when I hosted my family over for Christmas dinner this year. I planned for it, made the whole meal with great care and because I was serving those I love,and it felt important to me, I felt happy doing it(total people pleaser over here). But when it comes to cooking dinner every night, I have always found it to be mundane and a chore. I often worried that my meals wouldn't come out right or would be boring with my limited experience and my efforts would be a waste. Add the fact that making a meal requires even more cleaning afterwards, and that made it even more annoying to me.

I realized that while cooking, I was just pushing through and often agitated during the process. I wanted to rush through, clean up as I cooked, feed us, be done, clean up again and have the whole process done with. There was no joy in it, no calmness, just a constant rush to the finish line. If my husband even offered the slightest suggestion, stirred a pot, or added something to a meal while I was cooking, forget it, then I was officially unhappy about the whole process and felt he was criticizes my efforts.

One night he said something along the lines of "I am not trying to take over or be bossy. I know you know how to cook but I just enjoy being in here and helping. It's fun for me and I like cooking with you." I felt like a jerk, really I had been one for a long time in the kitchen, and I realized I was being ridiculous. Cooking dinner was not a task that should cause me stress, upset me or cause me to snap at my husband. I was simply preparing a meal. I needed to stop seeing it as a chore and try to see it as something more. And I realized that if I applied the same thoughts I did while baking or hosting, that maybe, just maybe, I could find something enjoyable in the process.

It's been a month now and I am pleased to say that I have been doing so much better with my attitude in the kitchen. I have really begun to find the joy in preparing dinner each night. My mindset now is that I am nourishing myself and my family and this isn't a chore but something to be proud of. I light my soy candles, put on some music and make it an experience of pleasure instead of "pain". I have been taking the time to research new recipes, trying new things and branching out with my meals. Now when I cut the peppers, onions or potatoes I don't rush through it with haste but try to enjoy the process and the feel of the blade slicing through with ease (good knives are totally worth it by the way!). I actually taste my food as I cook it now, and adjust it accordingly, taking care with it. I enjoy the smell of the roast cooking or the sound of the stir fry popping. I have realized that there were always these simple pleasures in the kitchen, I had just been rushing past them in an agitated hast all this time. And really there was no reason to be that way.

Of course, some days as I slice and dice I have a toddler clinging to my leg screaming "hold me!" and the bread burns but I really try to be mindful and not let imperfection ruin my experience. I have realized that these tiny, every day little moments, like making dinner, are actually a huge part my life and I am so lucky to be living it. The sounds of the pot boiling, the dog barking, and my baby's soft voice... these are just a few of the simple pleasures that I am so blessed to have. Life is good. Really good. And so often in the quest for perfection or an unnecessarily feeling of hast, it's easy to miss the simple moments that make up most of our lives. Celebrations are special and something I will always enjoy, but those are just paragraphs in the book of my life. The every day meals, chores, books, hugs, kisses, and simple moments are the chapters. 

It will always be true in life that every day isn't perfect but when I slow down and savor...there are so many things to feel joy in...even, dare I say, the imperfections.

All My Best and Find the Joy,

Steph

Adventures In Potty Land

The last few weeks we have embarked on one of the biggest adventures in toddlerhood: potty training! Yes, Addison is only 21 months old but she was showing signs of readiness and interest so I figured it was time to give it a go. I should start by saying that I did not follow any 1-3 day plans like the ones floating around on Pinterest. I know my daughter and she does not do well with pressure and/or force. So sitting on a potty every 30 minutes would just upset her and I want this process to happen in a way that is gentle and doesn't shame her. We had the potty out for a long time before we even had her try on it, read lots of books and picked out undies all before we started. We wanted it to feel as natural as possible.

With that said, we have been taking it slow but so far things have gone much better than I anticipated. She has been fairly consistant in using the potty for pee and #2! She has accidents of course and there have been set backs (like yesterday when she refused to use the potty for most of the day) but overall she is doing awesome. The fact that she has been pooping on the potty (and not in her diaper/panties) for about three weeks is exciting enough as it is! I totally thought that would take longer to get but she has picked up on that one pretty quick. The big thing for her has been having "big girl panties". She picked them out herself and we got quite a few pairs and also Cinderella themed Pull-Ups for sleeping and when we are out. She refuses to wear a diaper now, "me NO dipeys!", so we have no diapers in the house anymore besides our cloth diapers. I can get her to wear those at night sometimes but if not, Cinderella it is. She has woken up totally dry quite a few mornings as well but that definitely isn't consistent yet. Overall, it is going well and we are currently "in the trenches" of potty training but I defiantly see the light at the end of the tunnel! 

This one is Addison's favorite. She loves Karen Katz books

Cinderella undies are favorite. The girl knows what she likes already!

On a different note, ladies why not forward your hubby/bf the below image and get what you want this Valentine's Day! I love it!

Check it out!

All My Best,

Steph

All Kinds Of Heart Happenings

I can't believe January is coming to close and that February is fast approaching already..the time seriously does fly the older you get! With February, of course, brings Valentine's Day. Now, I am totally and shamelessly one of those girls who just enjoys celebrations (I think I have mentioned that a time or two) of any kind so I do quite enjoy Valentine's Day. My husband, again is the opposite, and he sees it as a money making Hallmark holiday fueled by nothing but stores prying on our emotions as consumers. While he may have a fair point, what girl doesn't love an excuse for romance? This year, I have been searching Pinterest (where else?) to find sweet little things to make this years holiday a sweet one for both of my Valentine's. I plan to make a cute little breakfast for my loves and cupcakes for Addie to pass out to her little buddies. Addie and I will complete some cute crafts and it should add a little bit of extra fun to our month. I have already started collecting little goodies from Target, which has the most adorable Valentine's Day stuff this year..totally wish I could love that place a little less for my wallet's sake! In addition to that, I have a few surprises up my sleeve for Tyler that I am sure he will enjoy.

In addition to the sweet little happenings around the house for "Hearts Day", I am still in the midst of my new found medical condition. I see my Cardiologist again next week to get the results of my 24 hour holter monitor testing. I have been to more doctor's appointments lately than I did when I was pregnant, thankfully somehow all my Dr's have turned out to be good looking, so at least I have that going for me at these never ending appointments..kidding..kind of. Wearing a monitor strapped to my chest for 24 hours and not being able to pick up my toddler or even a purse was down right comical let me tell you. My monitor was missing the clip, which was just grand after paying $104 dollars to borrow the thing, and therefore I had to put it in the pocket of my shirt (thankfully I wore the only pocket shirt I own) while trying to juggle Addison, errands and just life in general it was just interesting. My DR will review the rates of my heart over the 24 hours I wore it and as long as my beats don't jump up to like 160+ we can continue to monitor it without any interventions. 

I have been diagnosed with Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia(he also said another word with tachycardia but honestly I am not sure what it was..terrible I know). It basically means that I have a super fast heart rate and there is nothing to pinpoint why on any tests. Usually, people with this have another medical condition they find in the testing, such as thyroid problems, but all of my tests have come but normal. Therefore they have deduced that it is truly the sinus node of my heart that "fires faster than normal". The only treatments are beta blockers, or surgery in extreme cases, and I am trying everything in my power to avoid both of those. My doctor helped me to understand that I can't make my heart change much but there are things I can do to make sure it doesn't get higher.

So my new normal in life is, I will have echo cardiograms every 6 months, to once a year, and as long as my heart doesn't show strain I can continue to be medicine free. I cannot have caffeine, over the counter medicines besides Tylenol or Motrin, I have to reduce all sugars, avoid all alcohol (besides an occasional glass of wine, thank you doc!) drink tons of water, and work on maintaining a zen/calm state of mind with the help of meditation. Yoga is still allowed and encouraged which was great news for me. It's the only exercise besides brisk walking that my DR has currently approved but that's okay because I wasn't really going to become a marathon runner anytime soon. My DR have all been great at explaining everything and helping me to feel okay about all of this. He does feel that medicine may become necessary for me at some point so to prepare myself but on that same token, I may never need it. My heart will always beat fast but maybe the fast beats will never affect the strength of it..that's my hope anyway. It's scary at first to realize your heart isn't normal but it could be far, far worse than my condition so I am not going to dwell on it.

When I started this blog, I stated that I was in search of "all things peaceful" and it's funny because now that phrase means so much more to me. It's now more important than ever for me to seek, search, and embrace all things that bring a calmness and sense of peace in my life. It's necessary for my health. My heart is depending on me to balance my emotions, and maintain a sense of calm even when I feel stress. As my normal heart rate is from 103-110 when I get stressed my beats are most likely shooting up to well past 140 and that's just not something that's good for me and needs to be avoided as much as possible. 

So I continue my journey into all things natural, beautiful and with special emphasis on all things peaceful. And even if you don't have a crazy, weird, super fast heart rate like me, I encourage you to do the same because we could all use a little zen in our lives. Just sitting for a bit each day in silence and focusing on your thoughts and breath can truly make a bad day seem good again, I promise.

All My Best,

Steph

Spring Thoughts in January?

This week I am all about Spring! Why you ask would I be thinking about spring when it's early January (besides the fact that it's 80 degrees in S. Florida and doesn't feel a thing like winter)? Well, I am thinking thoughts of brights, flowers and spring happiness as the new Spring/Summer Stella & Dot collection is launching January 11th! I was just able to preview the new line yesterday and all I can say is: Wow! The pieces are gorgeous and the price points are really fantastic! When Stella & Dot says "celebrity style for a steal" they are not kidding! Pieces within the new line are already becoming editorial favorites for upcoming magazine issues and are sure to be seen on red carpets in no time. I am loving pretty much every piece in the line and I'm hoping I can somehow convince Tyler to let me order the whole line. It's for business purposes right?! Here are a few sneak peeks of what's to come and check back on my site January 11th to see & shop the new line! 

If you have been thinking about the opportunity of becoming a Stella & Dot stylist there has never been a better time than NOW! Stylist who sign up in January get an extra $100 in product credit to add to their stunning display. My team is growing and if you have any interest in learning more make sure to email me: steph.baker84@gmail.com

All My Best,

Steph